Supporting Someone with Cancer

For someone with cancer, the support of family and friends is critical. Yet, a cancer diagnosis often catches everyone by surprise and changes the roles we are used to playing. Those who have not personally struggled with cancer, though well-meaning, are unable to understand completely what their loved one is going through, both emotionally and physically. As you face this new challenge, what are some tips that can help you support your loved one through their often lonely journey?

Deal With Your Feelings First

As caregivers, we are faced with our own set of difficult emotions and fears. What will happen to my loved one? Will he or she have pain? Will they live? What will happen to me? How will my life change? Try to face your own fears first, so that you are truly able to listen attentively.

Listen

Simply listening to someone with cancer may sound easy, but is oftentimes surprisingly hard. We want to make things better. We want to fix things. But a listening ear is often what “helps” the most. Let your loved one express their feelings, even if those feelings make you uncomfortable. Allow them the opportunity to have the comfort of sharing without judgement or interruption. Be fully present when you listen.

Respect Their Need to be Alone

Sometimes our loved ones with cancer claim they want to be alone so they don’t bother us. Other times, they truly want to be alone. Monitor other visitors as well. Does your loved one feel that they must entertain them, but does not want to offend them and ask them to go? If so, gently let these other visitors know when your loved one appears tired and thank them for visiting.

Go With Them to Appointments and Lend a Hand

Attending appointments with your loved one can express your caring in many ways. Hospitals and clinics can be frightening places and waiting can be excruciating. Bring a notepad. Ask questions. Take notes. But make sure to allow your loved one to make her own decisions.

Help Them Find Support

No matter how much someone without cancer can empathize, talking to someone facing the same challenges can be helpful for someone with cancer. Ask your cancer center for information about in-person support groups. Many online support groups are available too. They have the advantage of being able to connect to others with cancer and cancer caregivers 24 hours a day.

Take Care of Yourself

Eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and maintaining a balance in your own life will help you provide the support your loved one needs. Check out further tips for cancer family caregivers to nurture yourself as you care for others.