Embracing Compassion: Navigating Dementia's Impact on Family Dynamics

These changes may take a toll on family members and the person with dementia

Imaginary daughter

My husband


doesn’t talk to me,


doesn’t go out


for walks with me,


laugh with me.

I make up


an imaginary daughter,


who visits me,


helps me,


goes out


for shopping with me,


laughs and cries with me.

I envy couples my age


laughing,


holding hands,


walking,


chatting,


hugging.

My husband


doesn’t hug me.


I make up


an imaginary daughter


who hugs me,


until I stop crying.

This heartfelt poem was written by Abhilash Desai, MD, a geriatric psychiatrist and a member of the Saint Alphonsus Memory Center. It reflects his perspective on the grief, loneliness, and sadness experienced by the wife of his patient with advanced dementia. The wife, with the daily support of wonderful friends and a spiritual community, has found solace and improvement in her well-being.

As dementia progresses, family caregivers may notice a significant shift in the relationship dynamics they once shared with their loved one. In the case of the wife in this poem, the progression of dementia led to a rapid and dramatic alteration in her role, transitioning from a wife to a "caregiver." The reciprocal partnership they once enjoyed dwindles as dementia takes its toll.

This change in dynamics can impose a substantial emotional toll on both the family members and the person with dementia, especially in the earlier stages when awareness of declining independence may be present. Normal reactions to this challenging situation include anxiety, depression, anger, resentment, and frustration. Friends and spiritual/religious communities can provide vital support during these difficult times. Their role includes being available to listen, understand, empathize, and validate the experiences of both the person with dementia and their family members. Practical support, such as accompanying them for groceries and being physically present with the family, can significantly reduce loneliness and grief.

If you or someone you know is facing the challenges of dementia and the evolving dynamics it brings to family life, don't hesitate to reach out for support. The Saint Alphonsus Memory Center is here to provide compassionate assistance, emotional support, and practical guidance tailored to your unique situation. Contact us today to connect with our experienced team of professionals, including a geriatric psychiatrist and social workers, who are dedicated to helping you navigate this journey with understanding and care. Rediscover joy, find solace, and build a supportive community by reaching out to the Saint Alphonsus Memory Center – because you don't have to face this alone.

Abhilash Desai, MD is psychiatrist at Saint Alphonsus Memory Center in Boise and Nampa.